I am jealous. Jealous of the Mamas who can stay at home (whether they work from home or not). I love my job, I'm a dispatcher for a high volume animal shelter's animal control department. Don't get me wrong it's very emotionally stressful and some days I cry but I'm making a difference and working in a field that shares my passion. Not many people can say that they love their job....I can and it took me a long time to get where I am. That said, I miss my baby. I took 10 weeks after he was born and it was VERY hard for me to go back to work, I was having borderline panic attacks for weeks and then found out I had to go back 2 weeks earlier then planned. Dropping Minion off at my In Laws that first day was the single hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I cried the while way to work, barely got a thing done and couldn't get home fast enough. I've been back to work since September and it's still hard, especially when I get 3 amazing days off every other weekend. Everyone keeps telling me I'll get over it and it will be OK but I just don't see it getting any better. Here is a run down of my day:
Minion gets up between 6-8am to nurse, then we usually go back to bed until around 10-11am. We nurse again, play for about an hour then I give him some fruit or veggie puree or baby food. After that I put him in his jumparoo or entertainment seat with his favorite educational channel on while I get ready for work and pack his things for the sitter to pick him up. By the time I'm done It's about 1:30pm and I have to change him out of jammies, nurse him and then it's 2:30pm and the sitter is there to pick him up. I go to work when they leave and get home at 12:30am (Hubby picks Minion up when he is done work) unpack my things, pump on side then nursing Minion (sometimes he's awake sometimes I wake him) and we go to bed. In between all that I have to take care of the dogs.
I feel like I never see him! It's getting quite depressing actually. I'm a bit crafty and I have been thinking about trying to sell some of the things I make, but I'm afraid I won't make enough for us to pay the bills. Another problem is I have our health insurance, Hubby's job won't cover all 3 of us and it's way to expensive even for just him. I'm not sure if you can just get insurance through the state or not or if it's only a welfare thing and I would never quit my job just for us to have to go on welfare. I'm so torn. I don't even think I could go just part time because then I would lose our insurance. Minion will be 7 months old tomorrow, he's getting big so fast and I'm terrified I won't be there when he says his first word or takes his first steps...what kind of mother would I be if I wasn't there for that?
Before anyone says it, yes I know I'm doing what I must to provide for my family but I just wish there was another way. In Canada, they get 1 year maternity leave! Here in the US, we are one of the only countries that doesn't provide financial support for mothers. We are supposed to be so advanced and think so highly of ourselves yet we force mothers to leave their children just so they can out food on the table. Side-note: We are also have some of the lowest stats when it comes to breastfeeding. If only we could get our act together... Maybe I'll write a letter to the powers that be in Washington.
Well, now that's I'm done my rant I'm sorry if I depressed anyone. I just really needed to get this off my chest. Now, to go spend some quality time with Hubby & Minion before bed :-)
Kerrie, I feel the same way...whether it be Stacy or I, I just wish ONE of us was able to be home with him (them). It was so hard with Jonah, taking him to the Y and leaving him there for 8 hours a day. It made me feel as if someone else was raising him...just tears you up inside. I know you know this, but it really is what we need to do to keep our kids well fed and well nurtured so that we can give them everything we want to give them. Just eat him up during the times you are with him and make the very best of every minute! Lukas is about to go into day care in March and its already eating at me...just so hard to grasp the fact that I only get about 2-3 hours a day with both of my sons and not feel horrible about it. Stacy and I tried to think of some way that we could support the family with a small business to be able to afford "life" and keep them home, but neither of us make enough money and the insurance thing is the clincher...just can't swing it. Anyways, such is life....glad you wrote this, I kinda needed to get this off my chest as well!
ReplyDeleteLove you, Ker, keep your head up...it never goes away, but you learn to deal with it ;-)
When I started writing this post I didn't mean for it to be so depressing but the whole direction of it ended up changing as I was typing. I guess I needed to get it out too. It really is hard to think about ho many hours a day I see him... We are lucky that Jacob is with family, we almost had to put him in daycare and I was beside myself over it. Hopefully one day it will work out where one of us (and one of you guys) can stay home but for now, it is what it is, I soak him up as much as I can when I'm with him and he is the motivation that gets me through my day. Love you guys, give those boys a kiss for me.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya, it wasn't really depressing, just honest! Love you guys too, I'll send kisses if you do! hahahaah
ReplyDeletelove ya Ker